Dealing with Toxic People at Home and at Work

/ Mary / Leave a comment

In a previous Blog Post, I discussed the prevalence of bullies in workplace culture (How to Spot a Bully in the Workplace and What to Do About It). My recommended reading list included The No Asshole Rule with the comment “A gem. I may write another post just about this book.”

Here it is.

The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t by Robert Sutton, PhD

The summary of this book says it is, “a business handbook on preventing and curing a negative work environment that explains how to restore civility to the workplace by weeding out problem employees in order to increase profit and productivity.”

But, oh, it is so much more.

How bad can working with, living with, and  having  toxic jerks in your life be? Consider some of these stats from the book:

Studies show that having just one chronic jerk in a workplace can diminish performance of the entire staff by a whopping 30%-40% .

Negative interactions affect mood fives times stronger than positive interactions.

25% of bullying targets and 20% of witnesses to bullying leave their jobs.

Working with toxic people can increase you risk of heart attack  20%-40%.

While this book was written with workplaces in mind, The No Asshole Rule can be applied to all areas of life. The author originally published his idea in the Harvard Business Review with the title: “More Trouble than They’re Worth”. And that basically sums up the No Asshole Rule. Some people, whether in your personal life or your business life, are simply more trouble than they’re worth.

The No Asshole Rule can help you:

1. Distinguish between  people who are having a bad day (temporary assholes) and those who are persistently nasty and destructive.

2. Spot the most common actions that toxic people use against others.

3. Discover how to assess the actual cost of having a toxic person in your workplace or life. (Yes, you can add up the money spent dealing with destructive, mean people. Think of such things as hourly salaries of managers and the human resources department. Think of sick time taken by the people who are targeted by the jerks. Think of the costs of counseling and lawyers. Think of stress-related illnesses and medications. Think of the loss of quality of life.)

4. Discover how to set up a No Asshole Rule and enforce it.

5. Learn how not to be an asshole. (Reigning in your inner jerk, avoiding asshole-poisoning, and a self-test to see if you often behave like a jackass.)

6. Tips for surviving an asshole-infested workplace.

7. The virtues of assholes (Yes!) with the warning that being a jerk all the time won’t work.

8. How a few demeaning creeps can overwhelm a horde of nice people.

The bottom line is that toxic personalities, whether at work or home, demean and de-energize those around them. They cost everyone in many ways: money, time, health, confidence, etc, etc. The advice of this book is clear: Expel rotten apples as fast as possible. There is a reason, Sutton asserts, that there is a delete button on the cover of the book.

I give this book Five Stars. It’s not just a valuable tool for the workplace, it is important for those who want to free themselves from anyone toxic in their lives.

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What’s Happening at Cheshire Library in November

/ cheshirelib / Leave a comment

Lots going on this month:  authors and filmmakers to meet,  games, crafts, and music to take part in, and don’t forget the Fall Booksale!

Teen Tabletop Night

Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:00 – 8:00 PM

New RPG group at CPL!! Are you an adventurer? Do you like games that involve strategy, thinking, and (most importantly) roleplaying? If so, you’ve found the right group! The games we play will be a wide range of tabletop RPGs- so if you like adventure, be sure to meet us in the Teen Room! Any questions? Contact Tas at tfox100@me.com. No registration required.

Craig & Fred: A Marine, a Stray Dog & How They Rescued Each Other

Saturday Nov 4, 2017, 11:00 AM

Register early for this conversation with author and US Marine Craig Grossi as he discusses his new book, Craig & Fred, the uplifting and unforgettable true story of a US Marine, the stray dog he met on an Afghan battlefield, and how they saved each other and now travel America together, “spreading the message of stubborn positivity.” Craig will be joined at this event by Fred! Craig’s book is a poignant and inspiring tale of hope, resilience, and optimism, with a timeless message at its heart, the power of love to transform our hearts and our lives. Want a copy of the book for Craig to sign? Please indicate on the registration form which edition you want:  the adult or the young reader’s edition, so we can be sure to have enough on hand.

What Do You Mean There’s More to Retirement Than Just Money?

Saturday Nov 4, 2017, 2:00 – 4:00 PM

Attendees will learn about the six life areas that will all deal with and need to address in varying degrees before and during retirement. All attendees will complete the Life of Balance activity to see where they are currently in their own life. Registration is required.

New Duke Band

Sunday Nov 5, 2017, 2:00 PM

New Duke, a classic 8-piece horn band from the Connecticut and New York City areas, is led by Guilford resident Brian Torff and features lead vocalist Darryl Tookes. The group is influenced by Ellington, Frank Zappa, Blood, Sweat and Tears, Gil Evans, the Beatles and James Brown and brings the past forward by combining classic grooves with topical issues. No need to travel to New York to hear a smoking hot big band! No registration required.

Cheers to Good Health!  Maintaining a Healthy Diet Throughout the Holidays and New Year

Monday Nov 6, 2017, 6:00 – 7:00 PM

Join Jennifer Zarrilli, RD (Registered Dietitian) as she discusses how to continue a healthy diet throughout the holiday season and beyond.  By the end of the lecture, participants will be able to understand the new 2015 Guidelines for Healthy Americans and how to apply these guidelines to eating healthy daily as well as during the holiday season. Registration is required.

Not Because It’s Easy: A Story of Pain, Struggle and Reward on the Tahoe Rim Trail

Tuesday Nov 7, 2017, 6:30  – 8:00 PM

Author and Cheshire Police Officer David Maliar discusses his book, Not Because It’s Easy: A Story of Pain, Struggle and Reward on the Tahoe Rim Trail, which he wrote after this grueling 165-mile hike through California and Nevada. Copies of the book will be available for purchase at the program. Registration is required.

Furniture Renewal – Connecting the Past, the Present and the Future

Thursday Nov 9, 2017, 6:30 PM

Join us for an evening with Gary LeClerc of FURNITURE REFINISHING by [RE]new and David Verdosci of Hidden Creek Fine Art Workshop as they discuss their most recent collaboration – the restoration and renewal of Mary Baldwin’s 100-year-old desk. This will be followed by a brief introduction to furniture refinishing, restoration and renewal by Gary LeClerc which will include tips for DIYers and a question and answer time. Registration is required.

Friends of the Library Fall Book Sale

Thursday Nov 16 – Sunday Nov 19, 2017, (see our Event Calendar for times)

This semi–annual used book sale, run by Friends of the Cheshire Library, raises money to pay for programming at Cheshire Public Library, among other things.  All of the library’s programs are funded through the Friends, and the books sale is their biggest fundraiser.  Come support the library and pick up some bargains in the process! See our event calendar for more info.

Cheshire Filmmaker James W. Hawk

Wednesday Nov 29, 2017, 7:00 – 8:00 PM

Cheshire Connecticut’s independent filmmaker, James W. Hawk will be screening several of his short films, “EENY, MEENY, MINY, MOE”, “FAILURE”,” THE SATURN MISSION”, “DR. DO RONG” and “ESQUIRE”. His films have been highly praised by Mr. Jan Harlan, an executive producer for Steven Spielberg and Stanley Kubrick. Please be advised that this adult program contains strong language. 

 

Books-to-Movies : Fall 2017

/ Louise / Leave a comment

I always anticipate movie adaptations of books I’ve read with equal measures of excitement and dread. Will the movie capture the spirit of the book, or bear little resemblance to the source material? Stephen King fans felt both ways this year with the well-received remake of the King classic It and the widely panned adaptation of  The Gunslinger from the Dark Tower series.

I usually like to read a book before I see the movie it’s based on, and there’s some kind of book-to-movie adaptation hitting theaters almost every week this fall. Here are the release dates for 10 of them – my reading list just got longer!

October 6

October 13

  • The Chinaman (movie title, The Foreigner) by Stephen Leather

October 20

October 27

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November 10

November 17

November 24

Versions and Duplicates (and Elvis)

/ Susan O. / Leave a comment

I have a playlist on my iTunes called Versions and Duplicates. Here I stick all the various versions of songs I like by different artists – whether it’s Sons of Anarchy, Rod Stewart, or Bob Dylan singing Forever Young, or the Sons of Anarchy version of Bohemian Rhapsody vs. Queen, or six different versions of Hallelujah (I still like Leonard Cohen’s best from the soundtrack for Watchmen, followed by perhaps the Canadian Tenors, and a couple of on-line ones). I love Alice Cooper’s version of Eleanor Rigby almost as much as the original, so this file is actually kind of large.

Years ago, I’d read in the Book of Lists that Yesterday by the Beatles was the most-sung song ever, with more than a thousand people recording their version of it. Forty years later, it still holds the record, with more than 4,000 recordings. I only have two on my playlist.

So when a disk came through my hands – Train Does Led Zeppelin II, I had to listen to it. I liked Drops of Jupiter, their biggest hit, and I liked Led Zeppelin. I love, love, love Iron Horse’s bluegrass version of Zep, Whole Lotta Bluegrass: A Vocal Bluegrass Tribute to Led Zeppelin (it really works, and you can understand the lyrics), and the Rock a Bye Baby lullaby series’ version, played on marimba of all things, is strangely beautiful and calming.

Although the first track, Whole Lotta Love, is perhaps the best of the album, it blew me away. Outside of a word or two, and perhaps the depth of a couple of riffs, Train nails the music dead on. It’s hard to tell it’s not Zep or Robert Plant himself. Truly, if you’re a fan, this is an album you should listen to.  Most of the criticisms of the album revolve around “Why did we need this album?” “Who is Train to think they can play Zeppelin?” I say, “Why not?” and “Who cares?” These are proficient musicians; if they want to play Zep, then let them play it.  Those critics have never heard me pick out Stairway to Heaven on the piano, the only two-handed piece I know.  And here’s why those critics don’t matter:

On the internet (stupid move) I wound up poking into a bee’s nest of Led Zeppelin tribute albums in a mind-boggling array of styles. If you don’t like rock music, if you don’t like screechy lyrics, that is absolutely no reason to skip Led Zeppelin. The music triumphs over the style, and the true genius appears.

Is banjo your favorite instrument? Check out Iron Horse’s album.

Just like bluegrass?  Try Pickin’ on Led Zeppelin, by the Pickin’ On series. A lot of harmonica mixed with banjo and fiddle. Yes, Led Zeppelin on the harmonica.

Prefer Metal? Dead Zeppelin: A Metal Tribute, by Dead Zeppelin. The Immigrant Song sounds like someone left the crypt open and all the demons are headbanging.

Classical tastes?  Chamber Maid: The Baroque Tribute to Led Zeppelin. Imagine you were invited to visit Louis XVI, and a quartet was playing in the corner, and you realized you knew that tune. Like that. Light and flutey, and always beautiful.

Prefer classical guitar? Richard DeVinck plays classical nylon strings on his album Going to California. Too plinky for me, but remember, Stairway to Heaven is a guitar song anyway, so it sounds lovely.

Celtic roots? High step to A Celtic Tribute to Led Zeppelin. The rhythm’s a bit faster, but it’s catchy!

Too laid back for rock? Prefer the reggae beat? Try Dread Zeppelin: Dejah Voodoo: Greatest and Latest Hits. This isn’t just a band that travels around singing Zep songs in reggae style, but with a lead singer who’s an Elvis impersonator.  Definitely a more funky beat, but the style, to me, was lacking, and sounded way too much like a guest star in a pretend cabaret on The Love Boat. I warned you.

Prefer to chill? Try Dub Tribute to Led Zeppelin, full of ethereal dub beats that will put you into a trance to familiar (or maybe not quite so familiar in this style) music.

And all that diversity doesn’t begin to touch on the number of top musicians paying tribute by cranking out serious Zeppelin tunes.  Troll elsewhere, critics.

Now, Zeppelin’s not the only band that attracts cover artists. I wouldn’t begin to count the number of Beatles covers, or Rolling Stones. Rock a Bye Baby covers everything from AC/DC to ZZ Top. Iron Horse does an amazing array of artists in bluegrass style, including Modest Mouse and Metallica. So dare to be different. Try a familiar song done in a new way, or by a new artist. You may just find a new favorite.