Honest Looks at Motherhood for Mother’s Day

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I once, briefly, had beautiful hair. In 2019, tired of the constant maintenance required by my standard-issue short bob, I decided to stop visiting the hairstylist. The Covid lockdowns in 2020 were a convenient excuse to continue the experiment. By the time I had my first child in the summer of 2021, my hair was lustrous, thicker and longer than ever (thanks, pregnancy hormones!), and shot through with cinnamon-brown highlights. On the rare occasions that I washed and dried my hair during maternity leave, I could almost pass for a mildly successful TikTok influencer.

Then, on cue, the postpartum hair loss started. Strands fell out at an alarming rate. Bouts with Covid and daycare-transmitted viral infections caused even more hair loss. I saw parts of my scalp I didn’t know existed. By the time I returned to work from having my second child, my hair resembled Albus Dumbledore’s phoenix, sad and ragged, a dark echo of its former glory (except for the new grays, of course). So, I went to the salon and had them take it all off, snipping and shaving me down until I had a pixie cut. I officially had my Mom Hair. I was in the club. I was no longer subverting gendered expectations, but living the reality of the most gendered expectation of them all.

I’ll spare you the other indignities that come with giving birth to another human being, but know, if you haven’t done it yourself, that they are legion. So are the complex social and emotional changes that happen when you transition to parenthood, and specifically to motherhood. Your whole identity changes overnight. That’s harder to talk about than the stupid hair thing. And the longer I’m mired in the day-to-day reality of being Mama / Mom / Mamba to two young kids, the harder it is for me to remember those changes, let alone articulate it to others. Luckily, there are women out there who have been able to do it. It’s not all beautiful, not like the flower arrangements and the precious handprint art that will be exchanged on Mother’s Day. But they provide an illuminating glimpse into motherhood for those on the outside. If you’re a mom like me, these titles might hit you right where you used to have ab muscles.

Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself by Libby Ward (2026)

From the publisher: In Honest Motherhood, Libby candidly shares her journey of unlearning the myth of the ideal mother. She dives headfirst into the experiences many mothers have but few feel safe enough to say out loud—the lack of support, the guilt, the invisibility, the cycles they’re breaking, and the fantasies about a hospital stay just to get a flippin’ break. Libby untangles her social conditioning from learned trauma responses and discovers that letting go of unrealistic standards, asking for help, and prioritizing herself aren’t failures—they’re necessities.

I’ll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood by Jessi Klein (2022)

From the publisher: In Emmy Award-winning writer and producer Jessi Klein’s second collection, she hilariously explodes the cultural myths and impossible expectations around motherhood and explores the humiliations, poignancies, and possibilities of midlife. Klein explores this stage of life in all its cruel ironies, joyous moments, and bittersweetness.

Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood by Jessica Grose (2022)

From the publisher: In this timely and necessary book, New York Times opinion writer Jessica Grose dismantles two hundred years of unrealistic parenting expectations and empowers today’s mothers to make choices that actually serve themselves, their children, and their communities.

Nightbitch: A Novel by Rachel Yoder (2021)

From the publisher: An artist turned stay-at-home mom becomes convinced that she is turning into a dog and, as her symptoms intensify, struggles to keep her alter-canine-identity a secret, until she meets a group of mothers who may also be more than what they seem.

Mama Needs a Minute!: A Candid, Funny, All-Too-Relatable Comic Memoir About Surviving Motherhood by Mary Catherine Starr (2025)

From the publisher: Filled with Starr’s signature wit, warmth, and observational humor, Mama Needs a Minute! tackles all the absurdities of modern motherhood through illuminating anecdotes and delightful illustrations. Whether you’re navigating a hellish sleep regression, wiping sweet potato off the walls, singing your four-thousandth lullaby, or simply hoping to pee without a toddler watching, this honest and irreverent account of motherhood will make you laugh, cry, and feel seen in a way that only a true mom-friend can.

I Was Told There’d Be a Village: Transforming Motherhood Through the Power of Connection by Melissa Wirt (2025)

From the publisher: Melissa Wirt thought she had everything-she’d built her own company and moved to a beautiful farm with her family. Then during a personal crisis, she realized: despite having created an online community reaching thousands of moms, she’d also somehow, become utterly isolated. In I Was Told There’d Be a Village, Melissa describes how she began making small changes-leaving behind a damaging Isolation Mindset and developing an advantageous Village Mindset. Using personal anecdotes and stories from moms across the country, this book provides specific, actionable steps to transform oppressive, solitary parenting into a connected, collective (even joyful) endeavor.

The Push: A Novel by Ashley Audrain (2021)

From the publisher: Blythe Connor is determined that she will be the warm, comforting mother to her new baby Violet that she herself never had. But in the thick of motherhood’s exhausting early days, Blythe becomes convinced that something is wrong with her daughter—she doesn’t behave like most children do. Or is it all in Blythe’s head? Her husband, Fox, says she’s imagining things. The more Fox dismisses her fears, the more Blythe begins to question her own sanity, and the more we begin to question what Blythe is telling us about her life as well. Then their son Sam is born—and with him, Blythe has the blissful connection she’d always imagined with her child. Even Violet seems to love her little brother. But when life as they know it is changed in an instant, the devastating fall-out forces Blythe to face the truth.

A Woman’s Work: Reclaiming the Radical History of Mothering by Elinor Cleghorn (2026)

From the publisher: Mothers make history. But what it has meant for mothers to do the physical and emotional work of mothering has, for centuries, been neglected in the stories of the past. Patriarchal control of motherhood has relegated the acts of growing, birthing, nurturing, and loving to the sidelines, and deemed it unimportant, women’s work. Now, through the voices of women themselves, Elinor Cleghorn reclaims and retells the history of motherhood, showcasing the mothers, othermothers, midwives, activists, community leaders, and more who have shaped the course of history.

Motherthing by Ainslie Hogarth (2022)

From the publisher: A darkly funny domestic horror novel about a woman who must take drastic measures to save her husband and herself from the vengeful ghost of her mother-in-law. Abby Lamb has done it. She’s found the Great Good in her husband, Ralph, and together they will start a family and put all the darkness in her childhood to rest. But then the Lambs move in with Ralph’s mother, Laura, whose depression has made it impossible for her to live on her own. She’s venomous and cruel, especially to Abby, who has a complicated understanding of motherhood given the way her own, now-estranged, mother raised her. When Laura takes her own life, her ghost starts to haunt Abby and Ralph in very different ways. Ralph is plunged into depression, and Abby is being terrorized by a force intent on taking everything she loves away from her. With everything on the line, Abby must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to prove her adoration to Ralph and break Laura’s hold on the family for good.

The Mill on the Brook

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Huckins Road, circa 1983, when it was passable until it rained.

While Cheshire is currently known as the Bedding Plant capital of Connecticut, did you know we were once a powerhouse of apples?

Way back when, in another century, when I was quite young, I can remember there being two apple trees far in the back of our yard. They were ancient, barely alive, and looked like something out of the Wizard of Oz, black and gnarled like a corpse’s hand. If they put out ten apples a year, it was a record. In fact, the entire neighborhood – the triangle of streets just past Darcey School – had these apple trees. It’s not surprising, since the old farmhouse at the top was built in 1780, the same year Cheshire was incorporated. Farms grew apples not so much for pies, but for animal feed, cider, and vinegar, which was used in pickling and preserving foods, as well as a cleaning agent and for curing hides. Apples were important.

Some fifty-five years ago, when the lower half of Huckins Road was nothing more than a dirt path, impassable to anything short of a jacked-up four wheel drive truck or tank, and the first house was being built, my father would take us for walks there, down this exotic uninhabited Brigadoon, most importantly teaching us to avoid the poison ivy that grew thick on the sides. There were two paths through the forest, and both led to beautiful waterfalls. The near one, across from our property (and loaded with poison ivy), was small, no more than 2-3 feet high, and narrow enough that if you put your feet on the right stones, you could hop across. But further down the road, past Darcey, was a high one, with a pond above it (since badly silted in by the flood of 1982). And by the pond, above the waterfall, were two stone pillars. My father, who not only had two degrees in history but whose babysitter so many eons ago had been the Prospect Town Historian, who could possibly have been born in the 1600’s, told me back then that the pillars had belonged to a mill, to hold a mill wheel driven by the waterfall. The fact there could have been industry nearby made sense to me, since the land and trees between our house and Darcey suggested an old road, and we had come across old coal deposits and odd bits of rusty tools buried in the dirt, waiting for child archeologists to treasure them.

They were fond memories, but that was all. No information seemed to exist about it. Most old maps of Cheshire stopped at the Notch, since that was where trolley and train stops were (check out the old track humps on Pamela Lane, or the bridge by Mixville Park). The Historical Society had never heard of it.

But the pillars remained. They knew they existed, and they remembered the history better than I did. Although in my teen years we played in that stream, walked up it to the big waterfall, the thick brush, briars, and mud discouraged us from further exploration (as well as the man who owned the property, who liked to fire his gun if he saw anyone so much walk down the road. And I was his papergirl.).

This view of Cuff Brook became a bookcover

But I am a determined researcher, and after decades of waiting for an internet to be built and the right information to be loaded onto it, I hit paydirt. I came across an old map of Cheshire, from 1868, that not only showed a cider mill, but two cider mills on what is actually known as Cuff Brook (no one ever knew it had a name, it was just The Brook). The T. H. Barnes Homestead still stands, built in 1817 (we knew it as the Bear’s House, because the Bears lived in it at the time, but the Barnes family took it back, and I know this because one of the Barnes was my babysitter), and these pillars may very well have been part of their old property (they have a small pond by the house, but no waterfall to turn a wheel). I believe the house marked Jos. Barnes is the one on the corner of Huckins and Hickory Lane, which dates from 1742, and has an entire tree as a crossbeam (because I used to babysit the kids in that house. Maybe we need a book called The History of Cheshire Through Babysitting). I find it amusing that the same streets are already there, including the unpaved Moneta Lane across from Winslow, and that across the street from the newly built Barnum School at Marion and Jarvis is a label of “School No. 5.” (The Hotchkiss house across from it dates from 1805, and still stands). The more things change, the more they remain the same.

So plant some apple trees this year, and bring back a piece of Cheshire history (I had two at my old house on Marion, and one was certainly old enough to date back to at least 1920). It’s good for the bees, and heirloom apples are a treat (there are more than 7500 varieties!). Cheshire is ripe with orchards, the oldest being the now-closed Norton Brothers Farm (1757), followed by Bishop Farms (circa 1780, where, in that other century, before houses seized the land, I worked picking apples, peaches, and cherries). If you need help, check out these books on apples and Cheshire!

Grow a Little Fruit Tree

How to Grow Food

Encyclopedia of Gardening Techniques

Gardening for Dummies

Home Grown Pantry

Apples of Uncommon Character

Legendary CT

New England Orchard Cookbook

Apples are from Kazakhstan

Fire cider! : 101 zesty recipes for health-boosting remedies made with apple cider vinegar

Cheshire

Landmarks of Old Cheshire

Witch Book to Read

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What’s with him and Galadriel?

Twilight set off a whole graveyard of vampire romances, and then came werewolf romances. For a while paranormal romance was the genre of the day, with people falling in love with ghosts or people in past lives – no doubt fueled by time-travel stories like Outlander. When the person you love died 200 years previous, it makes that guy at the coffee shop seem rather dull in comparison. Monsters are a thing, especially in cozy fantasy – even dragons can be a thing (let’s not forget Donkey and his Dragon mate in Shrek!). Zombies picked up the slack, but are now fading away as a genre – you can only kill them twice. 

So what’s currently “trendy” in genre fiction? What have we circled back to? Cozy fantasy is all the rage, little stories with a slice of life that ends happily, whether you’re an ogre or gnome or pixie. Horror is making a comeback, including something called Fem-gore, which is written by women for women, and includes a lot of bloody-warrior revenge themes. LGBTQ stories and stories of people of color are on the rise, giving a long-overdue boost to underrepresented segments of the population. But the largest rising genre? Witches and wizards.

She made a child do her dirty work – good or evil?

No, we’re not talking Lord of the Rings or Dragonlance (though you can read Dragonlance for either the action sequences or the burning romance of Raistlin and Crysania), but the Earthly plane stories that encompass every facet of storytelling. Magic stories. And magic is the realm of witches and wizards. Witches aren’t usually evil, even if, thanks to Wicked, we’re not sure Glinda is completely a good witch. 

Technically, a male witch is called a … witch. Wizard is also acceptable, the difference being a wizard is usually academically oriented [think Gandalf] while a witch is more self-taught [Granny Weatherwax from the Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books]. Mage is also appropriate, but warlock is a slur. Witchy stories have been around forever – the Biblical Witch of Endor (10th century BCE), Circe of Homer’s Odyssey (8th century BCE), Hecate of the Greek pantheon (Hesiod’s Theogony, 7th century BCE), Merlin the Wizard and Morgan le Fay of Camelot (minimum, the 1100’s, possibly as early as the 400’s), and the witches of Macbeth (1606). Let’s not forget the witches of  The Wizard of Oz, or the terrifying Dust Witch of Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes, the marvelous Eglantine Price of Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Samantha Stephens of Bewitched, the Halliwell sisters of the TV show Charmed, or The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. The image of witches was improved by the popularity of Harry Potter and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Children’s stories aside, the rise of New-age witchcraft has no doubt helped the rise of witch stories as well.

“Witch” or “wizard” is appropriate for men

How did witches come to have such a bad rap? Throughout history, and amplified through Dark Ages ignorance, learned men and intelligent women, women who could read, women who were opinionated, or women who had some sort of good or bad fortune that couldn’t be explained by simple means, were suspected of using dark magic to gain their knowledge, even when it benefited the community itself. Magic, voodoo, and good or bad spirits were all people had to explain what was to them unexplainable any other way. Maybe your sheep all had twin lambs, but neighbor Geoff, who took poor care of his sheep, had 5 die in birthing – surely you must have worked dark magic on his sheep! All your 15 children survived the plague? You must be a witch! While New-Age witches study nature in all its forms, in reality, no study anywhere has proven that magic – not the magician kind – has any basis in fact.

Modern stories of magic run the full gamut, from cozy mysteries (such as those by Bailey Cates), humorous fantasy (Terry Pratchett’s Color of Magic series), Courtly intrigue without the morbid gore of Game of Thrones (The Chronicles of Amber series by Roger Zelazny), to the wildly popular Discovery of Witches series by Deborah Harkness, and the book and TV series of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files. If you don’t like the idea of reading a fantasy book, try a more mainstream author like Alice Hoffman’s Practical Magic series, or The Year of Wonders, by Geraldine Brooks, or A Secret History of Witches, by Louisa Morgan. Harry Potter they are not. 

My favorite witches of literature? Gandalf, of course, from Lord of the Rings, along with Molly Weasley and Minerva McGonagall from Harry Potter, Ole Meg from Clifford D. Simak’s A Heritage of Stars, Raistlin Majere of Dragonlance, and perhaps Lady Jessica Atreides in Dune (yes, the Bene Gesserit are witches).

If you’re looking to put a little magic in your life, or just escape the pressures of our Earthly plane, check out some of these trending books!

Context for Conflict: The Iran War

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I took four college courses in Russian, and “Ya ne panimayu pa-Russki” – translated, “I don’t understand Russian” – is about all I have to show for it. It’s not surprising. It was the late 2000s, and the U.S. was neither in active competition nor actively antagonistic toward Russia. Enrollment in Russian was so low at my university that my professor, a Ukrainian by birth, padded out most of his semesters by teaching basic Spanish courses. Even the writers of the textbook seemed apathetic; they included vocabulary referring to Soviet-era stores, even though the Soviet state had dissolved 15 years prior to the edition’s publication.

For anyone who can remember all those case declensions, Russian language media must be a fascinating read these days.

Russia and Ukraine have been at war since 2014, with February 24, 2022 marking the invasion of Ukraine by Russia and a new phase of the war. It’s not the only war in the headlines. Israel has been at war with Hamas in Gaza since October 7, 2023. And now, with the assassination of Ayatollah Khamenei mere days ago on February 28, it appears that the U.S. and Israel are actively at war with Iran. I can’t say what could or should happen in any of these conflicts. I am a terrible student of history and I’m even worse at geopolitics. However, I am a librarian who can present you with works by experts to contextualize these conflicts, and I can find narratives by reporters and memoirists who are documenting their experiences as they happen. From there, you can read and draw your own conclusions.

I can’t do justice to these three conflicts in one blog post, so I’m going to break this down into parts, starting with today’s biggest headline dominator: the Iran War. If you know of an informative resource that’s not on the list, please feel free to leave a comment so other readers can find it!

Iran: A Modern History by Abbas Amanat (2017)

A comprehensive treatment of Iran’s history written by a top scholar. From the publisher: “Amanat combines chronological and thematic approaches, exploring events with lasting implications for modern Iran and the world. Drawing on diverse historical scholarship and emphasizing the twentieth century, he addresses debates about Iran’s culture and politics. Political history is the driving narrative force, given impetus by Amanat’s decades of research and study. He layers the book with discussions of literature, music, and the arts; ideology and religion; economy and society; and cultural identity and heritage.”

A History of Iran: Empire of the Mind by Michael Axworthy (2008)

If you’re looking for a quicker read, try this book by another excellent Iran historian. From the publisher: “Although frequently vilified, Iran is a nation of great intellectual variety and depth, and one of the oldest continuing civilizations in the world. Its political impact has been tremendous, not only on its neighbors in the Middle East but also throughout the world. From the time of the prophet Zoroaster, to the powerful ancient Persian Empires, to the revolution of 1979, the hostage crisis, and the current standoff over Iran’s nuclear ambitions, Michael Axworthy vividly narrates the nation’s rich history.”

America and Iran: A History, 1720 to the Present by John Ghazvinian (2021)

From the publisher: “In this rich, fascinating history, John Ghazvinian traces the complex story of the relations between these two nations back to the Persian Empire of the eighteenth century—the subject of great admiration by Thomas Jefferson and John Quincy Adams—and an America seen by Iranians as an ideal to emulate for their own government. Drawing on years of archival research both in the United States and Iran—including access to Iranian government archives rarely available to Western scholars—the Iranian-born, Oxford-educated historian… makes clear where, how, and when it all went wrong. America and Iran shows why two countries that once had such heartfelt admiration for each other became such committed enemies—and why it didn’t have to turn out this way.”

The Coup: 1953, the CIA, and the Roots of Modern U.S.-Iranian Relations by Ervand Abrahamian (2013)

From the publisher: “In this authoritative new history of the coup and its aftermath, noted Iran scholar Ervand Abrahamian uncovers little-known documents that challenge conventional interpretations and sheds new light on how the American role in the coup influenced diplomatic relations between the two countries, past and present. Drawing from the hitherto closed archives of British Petroleum, the Foreign Office, and the US State Department, as well as from Iranian memoirs and published interviews, Abrahamian’s riveting account of this key historical event will change America’s understanding of a crucial turning point in modern United States-Iranian relations.”

All the Shah’s Men: An American Coup and the Roots of Middle East Terror by Stephen Kinzer (2003)

Kinzer is a former journalist who knows how to craft a compelling and factual story. From the publisher: “This national bestseller brings to life the 1953 CIA coup in Iran that ousted the country’s elected prime minister, ushered in a quarter-century of brutal rule under the Shah, and stimulated the rise of Islamic fundamentalism and anti-Americanism in the Middle East.”

Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion and Collective Memory in the Middle East by Kim Ghattas (2020)

A fresh perspective on Iran’s place in the Middle East, from a Beirut-based journalist. From the publisher: “Kim Ghattas seamlessly weaves together history, geopolitics, and culture to deliver a gripping read of the largely unexplored story of the rivalry between Saudi Arabia and Iran, born from the sparks of the 1979 Iranian revolution and fueled by American policy.”

The Mantle of the Prophet: Religion and Politics in Iran by Roy Mottahedeh (1985)

From the publisher: “Drawn from the first-hand accounts of eyewitnesses, Roy Mottahedeh’s absorbing tale of Islam and Politics in revolutionary Iran is widely regarded as one of the best records of that turbulent time ever written.” Forty years after its initial publication, it’s still a great book to help one understand the 1979 revolution – especially the role that clerics and religion played.

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi (2003)

There’s little I can say that hasn’t already been said about Persepolis. This graphic novel is a personal account of a girl living through the revolution and the social restrictions that followed, then her young adulthood as she goes between Europe and Iran. It’s wonderfully accessible, even for those who aren’t usually graphic novel readers.

King of Kings: The Iranian Revolution: A Story of Hubris, Delusion and Catastrophic Miscalculation by Scott Anderson (2025)

From the publisher: “From the author of the landmark bestseller Lawrence in Arabia comes a stunningly revelatory narrative history of the Iranian Revolution, one of the most momentous events in modern times. This groundbreaking work exposes the jaw-dropping stupidity of the American government and traces the rise of religious nationalism, offering essential insights into today’s global unrest.”

For the Sun After Long Nights: The Story of Iran’s Women-Led Uprising by Fatemeh Jamalpour and Nilo Tabrizy (2025)

From the publisher: “A moving exploration of the 2022 women-led protests in Iran, as told through the interwoven stories of two Iranian journalists.”

As a millennial whose male friends all wanted to be Anthony Bourdain, I have to give a shout-out to Bourdain’s CNN documentary travel show Parts Unknown. The late chef-turned-travel-host had a gift for finding connections with people across the world, and it was on display during his visit to Iran in 2014. You can watch it in season 4 episode 6. Parts Unknown is available through multiple free and paid streaming services.

And if you’re interested in Iran’s contributions to art, please check out our Islamic Art program on Tuesday, March 17. Wadsworth curator Hamid Hemat will take us on an art journey through the Islamic world, including Iran’s famous Nastaliq calligraphy. You’ll also get to try writing Persian script yourself! Register here: https://cheshirelibrary.libcal.com/event/15030026

The Reclusive Era

/ Susan O. / 1 Comment

Despite having numerous streaming channels, I was yet again faced with the dilemma of watching something dull but background noise (stand-up comedians, or weather disaster documentaries), watching something I loved for the 15th time, or something new that I would have to pay attention to, most of which I didn’t have time to finish. I wound up watching the documentary Grey Gardens, something that was on the far end of my to-be- watched list.

Grey Gardens is the story of Edith Beale, and her daughter, “Edie” Beale, who are, to be polite, a little bit batty. Hard recluses, they live in a 28-room, 100-year old mansion on Long Island, which is decrepit and at one point had been condemned by the town as being unlivable. Enter Jackie Kennedy Onassis – yes, that one – and her sister Lee, close relatives of the Beales, who throw money into the house and keep it from being torn down. Yet, when we meet the Beales, they basically live in one nasty room, Edith cooks from a burner next to her stained mattress, cats are seen pooping on the furniture, and they complain about the fleas.

Much of the documentary is spent with mother and daughter reminiscing about could have beens and should have beens –I could have been a singer … I could have been a dancer if you hadn’t … Sometimes they dream about what they should do – cut down the overgrown trees and make a garden. They don’t leave the house except to step onto the porch, where they can see to the gate and let people in, but only people with prior approval, like the handyman. They are both immature, lost in fantasy, and living in squalor without ever realizing it. Some people condemn the film as exploitive, while others consider it documentary of the purest form. The film made me think of of other, similar stories, that took place in the same era (Grey Gardens was filmed in 1975, with the mother born in 1895 and daughter born in 1917). This is not the only story with controlling mothers living in recluse with their daughters…

At the time, I was also reading the book Empty Mansions, a biography of heiress Huguette Clark, and the similarities were striking. Clark – heir to her father’s immense copper fortune – was an extreme recluse, not even attending her mother’s few social gatherings in their 5th-Avenue apartment where she herself lived. She had expensive homes she’d never been to, but that were still maintained and kept for tens of thousands of dollars a month, just in case. She didn’t set foot outside her apartment for fifty years, until she was forced into a hospital due to cancer, where she liked the room so much she stayed in it for 20 years (she lived to 105) – at cost, of course. While she was said to be sweet and generous over the phone or in letters, she saw no one face to face but certain doctors or nurses, and her personal aide. Those family members or schoolmates who had known her remembered a shy girl who didn’t speak much, but even into her 30’s carried dolls with matching outfits to high-society events with her mother (she owned more than 1200 dolls). There was something off in Huguette, but no one knew her well enough to understand exactly what. Huguette was born in 1906 and lived her whole life with her mother, who was shy but functioning, though she would throw social gatherings for friends’ children, but not the friends. Strange.

One of the saddest biographies I’ve ever read, The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll, is that of Dare Wright, the photographer who produced The Lonely Doll children’s book series. Wright was a highly talented artist, model, and photographer but was tightly controlled by her domineering mother. She frequently crossed familial boundaries – sleeping in her daughter’s bed, breaking up her engagement, not allowing her a separate life, until all Wright had was her dolls and her camera. It’s a difficult book to find, and you might not find it in a local library, but I urge you to read it if you can. Was Wright actually that loyal to her mother, or was she mentally reduced to submission by a controlling parent? Dare Wright was born in 1914 and lived much of her life in New York City. You can check out her famous Lonely Doll series here.

I think back to someone I knew who was born in that same era, 1905-1912, who lived on Long Island. Like many women of that era, in that location, she was concerned with appearances, society, never learned to drive, never wrote a check, never did anything but keep house, which was all a woman of that era was expected to do. Her only child, a daughter, was more than a little batty. Although they lived together for much of their lives, they did not become recluses until late in life, when poor health left the mother unable to walk well, or to deal with the daughter who had physical and mental issues of her own.

Is it just a coincidence that these women all lived in the same geographic area, were born in a 10-year window, led isolated lives, lived with their mother their entire life, and if not actually penniless (the Beales ran through their trust fund years before), lived in a single room and acted that way? Was there something in that era that created issues (and yes, societal and family expectations and lack of choices are acceptable answers)? Did clusters happen in other major cities, too? Are these just isolated examples that happened to come to the world’s attention because they were such outliers, or did things like this happen in tenement families, too? Or is three-four examples just too small a data pool to say anything? It certainly cries for more investigation, but unless you like the dry statistics of Jacob Riis and his studies of New York tenements, there isn’t a lot of information out there.

Watch Grey Gardens. Give Empty Mansions a read (it has a major twist at the end!). If you can, track down The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll. See what you think.

Can you think of any similar biographies?