How to Keep Summer Reading From Being a War

Summer, and in turn the dreaded summer reading list, is on the way. Even the most eager readers are rarely thrilled to be told what to read, and this seems to be especially true in the summer months. Kids are thinking about the fun they want to have over summer vacation, rather than checking off a to-read list.summer-reading-topMost schools offer suggested reading lists; usually vague offerings mentioning award winners, well known writers, and some nonfiction. Other schools require a certain number of books, a list of genres or subjects that need to be read, or particular books that need to be read. The more general the requirements the more likely parents and librarians are to keep everyone reading and enjoying it. However, sometimes trudging through a book that is not something your kids would pick on their own is necessary. I have some tips and tools to help make the  process more enjoyable for everyone.

summerread3My first suggestion is to start increasing the pleasure reading now and try to get a firmer grasp of which books will keep your readers happy over the summer. Check with the kids about how much they liked a certain book, or if they like a particular author or genre more than others and why. If there is an obsession in the house, Disney movies, superheroes, Minecraft, horses, Star Wars, or whatever, then start with books on those topics to spark interest. Perhaps a star or sticker chart to help figure out the pattern of what they enjoyed most will help your selections of reading materials hit the mark even more often. I need to start this myself, because even though my two children request certain books and proclaim that they love them, rarely do I see them actually reading the books in question.

summereadIt would also be a good idea to get a routine in place. Whether the whole family troops to the library together (one day a week, once a month, or what ever works for you), you bring a selection of materials home, or you browse the e-book offerings from home, it would be great to get a dependable routine in play. My children know that every Monday I bring whatever books they are done with or did not want to read back to the library and bring home a new batch of books and movies. I try to bring home a few fun or silly books that I know will capture their attention. However, I also bring home a few nonfiction books and books that I think they would enjoy while stretching their reading skills a little. I still strike out with some of my picks, but the regularity and wide variety of reading choices help to keep them reading.

SUMMERREADGOVIt is very important that you don’t make reading a chore. I know there is pressure to get the reading done in a timely manner. I also know that you won’t like everything your child might want to read. However, putting pressure on anyone to do something is more likely to cause push back rather than happy reading. So lets keep reading fun. Join the library’s Summer Reading program so your kids have fun goals to reach and some rewards for their efforts. If there are particular reading requirements that need to be met, particularly if it includes books they aren’t looking forward to reading, alternate those with their favorites or light, silly reads. Don’t be afraid of letting them enjoy something a little easier than their current reading level, such as graphic novels, magazines, audio books, or a repeat read.

My final suggestion is to model the behavior you want to see in your children. In other words, if you want your children to see reading as something fun, valuable, and worth doing regularly then they need to see you treating reading the same way. This doesn’t mean that you need to start assigning yourself classic or acclaimed books to read. I suggest that parents do exactly what I suggest they let their children do. Read what interests you, what makes you happy. Whether that is enjoying graphic novels from Hoopla, magazines from Zinio, the newspaper, the latest New York Times best seller, the same books your children are reading, or something completely different, it really doesn’t matter. If your children see that you put some time into reading and get something out of it, they are going to be more willing to keep reading as well.summerread2

The Narcissism Epidemic

Jacket.aspxMerriam-Webster Dictionary defines narcissism succinctly: “Caring too much about yourself and not about other people.”

What that definition doesn’t spell out are all the ramifications of such self-absorption.

In the book The Narcissist Next Door, the author, Jeffrey Kluger, writer and science editor at Time magazine, uses the word “monster” in the sub-title: Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office, in Your Bed–in Your World.

Are narcissists monsters? Consider these examples of typical narcissist behaviors:

  • Your narcissist mother constantly belittles you but denies she is doing any such thing. There is always an excuse for what she says and does. She is oh so thoughtful. Her selfish manipulations are for your own good. Nasty comments mean she is concerned about you. She only wants to help you.
  • Your narcissist boss criticizes and demeans you. He lets you know he thinks less of you than he does of your coworkers. If you complain, he will treat the matter as a non-issue. He doesn’t care about your complaints. He just wants to let you know that you’re never right.
  • Your narcissist sibling ignores all boundaries. She goes through your things regularly. She asks nosy questions, snoops into your email, room, and conversations. She digs into your feelings, particularly painful ones, and is always looking for negative information that can be used against you.
  • Your narcissist spouse tries to make you look like the crazy one. He will claim not to remember events, flatly denying they ever happened. He will tell you that you’re unstable, otherwise you wouldn’t believe such ridiculous things. You’re over-reacting, like you always do.

Sound like someone you know? Probably, because the number people with this personality disorder doubled over the last 10 years just in the United States. Some refer to it as the Celebrity Epidemic, where outrageous, selfish behavior is rewarded with fame and money, while others blame it on the American emphasis on the importance of the individual. Still others think it is genetic, an inheritable trait that has always been prevalent but is now rampant because of lack of social consequences. Whatever the cause, the cult of self is thriving.

How do you spot a narcissist? First, remember narcissism is not an all-or-nothing disorder. It is a continuum, with some mild behaviors, such as always steering the conversation back to yourself, to more extreme forms, such as those who demean and torment you when no one is watching and then act simply darling in public. Extreme narcissistic behavior includes:

  • Comments that diminish, debase, or degrade someone else
  • Feelings of entitlement
  • Envy that tries to either take or spoil someone else’s pleasure
  • Lying, constantly about everything
  • Emotional manipulation
  • Constantly seeking to be the center of attention
  • Extreme defensiveness and sensitivity, especially about imagined insults
  • Lack of empathy
  • Will never admit to being wrong
  • Bragging and exaggerating achievements
  • Denial of any of the above behaviors

So what to do if you live or work with a narcissist?

Save yourself. Experts overwhelmingly say to leave any relationship where extreme narcissism is present. Most narcissists will never acknowledge they have a problem. It is always everyone else, not them. Getting a narcissist to see a counselor or doctor is nearly impossible, and even when they do, they seldom admit responsibility and so never change. Make your feelings known, but if the narcissist cannot understand or acknowledge your pain, then it’s time to move on.

Here are some resources to help you deal with the narcissist in your life.

 

 

Jacket.aspxThe narcissism epidemic : living in the age of entitlement / Jean M. Twenge, PhD and W. Keith Campbell, PhD

 

 

Jacket.aspxThe mirror effect : how celebrity narcissism is seducing America / Drew Pinsky and S. Mark Young with Jill Stern

 

 

Downloadable Audiobooks

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jacket.aspxWill I ever be free of you? : how to navigate a high-conflict divorce from a narcissist, and heal your family / Karyl McBride

Taming the Epidemic

51DfIYszbDL._SX326_BO1,204,203,200_I have tried writing this several times, but I need 8,000 words instead of 800. I didn’t want to write about a politically charged topic at a time when politics are tearing the country apart. There is so much here you should read, need to read, that I cannot emphasize how important these books are, on such a difficult topic. And yes, if you’re living in this very town, they are relevant to YOU.

I read Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari in January – that’s how long it’s taken me to write this. I was skeptical – yeah, yeah, failed war on drugs. We know. But the information she presents is hard-core, well-documented, and agonizing. You can check it yourself. It blew my mind and changed my outlook not only on drug addiction, but my outlook on life. Hari shows – starting with Billie Holiday – that the war on drugs began early in the 1900’s as a method to exert control on “undesirables” – Mexicans, Blacks, Irish, Chinese. It blew up into a witch hunt, reinforced by Nixon to control war protestors. In the early 1900’s, drugs were legal. People could buy a small amount, get their controlled fix, and carry on. When the drugs were banned, junkies were forced to go underground, for huge amounts of money and unknown quality. People died. Crime exploded. Gangs took over. We knew this would happen, because we saw the exact pattern in Prohibition. The U.S. put a gag on every other country in the world – you want our aid, you make these drugs illegal. Now we control all the cartels.

And most of our addicts are addicts because…. they have psychological issues. Soldiers with PTSD. Rape and abuse victims. Homeless. Mentally ill. People with trauma. People without hope. And we have spent billions jailing them, punishing them, and sometimes killing them, because after all, they’re junkies, who cares.

But what happens when junkies (who make up only 10% of people who have used illegal drugs: 90% walk away fine) are not jailed, but treated as mentally ill, counseled, given a purpose? People tend to get clean and stay clean. What happens when illegal drugs are decriminalized – or even legalized, as in parts of British Columbia, or Portugal? Even heroin? Crime drops. Gangs fail. People become productive. And eventually, people get off the drugs themselves because it’s not who they are anymore. It’s a frightening concept, and against everything we have ever been brainwashed with.

Move on to Dreamland: The True Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic, by Sam Quinones. 51pEBowSD9L._SX327_BO1,204,203,200_Quinones traces the perfect storm of the modern heroin epidemic: a false assumption, a powerful painkiller, a drug marketing lie, and a whole new method of peddling Mexican heroin. Oxycontin was touted as an addictionless drug because it was time-released, at a time when pain management was the rage in medicine. In reality, Oxycontin was very chemically similar to heroin, just as addictive, and pain “clinics” sprang up that did nothing but pump millions of addiction pills into the country. As people fought to get oxycontin, enter the Mexicans, who broke the rules by delivering drugs to your door. No guns. No violence. All under the radar. And their heroin was uncut Black Tar. Competition brought the price down to $6 a fix – cheaper than the $1/milligram Oxy. Washington State finally made the connection when their drug overdose fatalities were higher than their auto accident fatalities. Purdue Pharma paid more than $630 million dollars in fines for faking their addiction data. Pfizer paid more than $3 Billion for misrepresenting their drugs – less than 3 weeks take of their sales from them. Oxycontin was changed to help prevent abuse, but no one has yet put a dent in Mexican heroin sales.

51h74NFYq2L._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_A slightly older book to read is Methland, which shows the damage done to the Midwest with the rise of Meth, which is so easy to produce you can manufacture it while riding a bicycle around town. Why does everything seem to start in the Midwest? These are the areas hardest hit economically by the collapse of American industry. When people are hopeless, with no jobs, or if you are injured on the job, the doc will write you a pain prescription. You stretch it out to a disability claim, get on payments, and you no longer worry about money, or how to pay for prescriptions. You sell those pain pills for three times what you were charged. For students, it’s often sports. Children are pushed to excel, to work through the pain, given pain pills to take the field and win this one, and they get hooked. Most teens start with sports injuries.

If you think drug users are minorities in deepest urban ghettos, you’re wrong. They’re here. At least two students in this very town died this school year from overdoses. We don’t talk about them. They don’t make the paper. But the students know. It’s bad enough that there is now a clinic in this town. Let’s stop pretending. It’s the kid on the sports team. It’s the kid behind the register. Your hairdresser. The PTA mom.

These books are thought provoking in their information and ideas. Though I’m – thankfully – not directly affected by the drug epidemic, I feel I dodged a bullet when my daughter was only 13 (2006). A heavy jar fell on her foot and I took her to the ER. It wasn’t broken, but badly bruised. They offered her Oxycontin or Percocet for the pain. I said no, something less strong. They gave me scripts for both, and I could fill which I wanted (dead truth). A thirteen year old. I tore up both of them. She did fine with Motrin.index

If you can read one book this year, read Chasing the Scream. If you can read two, read Dreamland as well. Even if you don’t agree with them, let’s get a national dialogue going. And if you want something a little more technical but utterly fascinating about the chemical aspects of addiction, track down How Drugs Influence Behavior: a Neurobehavioral Approach by Jaime Diaz. I was – still am – amazed at the information, and it’s not so technical a layman can’t understand it. Never have I seen a medical book with opinions like this.

How to Throw Things Away

apartment-cleaningOkay, let’s get something straight right at the beginning. This is not a blog post about how to store your stuff more efficiently. This is all about having less stuff. That’s right, it’s about throwing stuff away.

Part of minimalism, which I’ve been exploring in my own life these last few months, is living with less. This doesn’t mean building more shelving or uber-organizing my books. It means LIVING WITH LESS.

A simple concept with life-changing implications and many questions, the biggest of which is, how do you even begin to get rid of all your stuff?

Frankly, you have to face your mountain of clutter and be ruthless.

Jacket1For instance, in the book, Simplify Your Space by Marcia Ramsland, she recommends the following tools to simplify your bedroom: a wastebasket, a recycling bin, and three boxes. One box is for things to keep. The other two boxes are for items to donate Jacket2and sell. In  For Packrats Only by Don Aslett, he outlines four steps to follow to ditch the junk.

  • Recognize that junk is bad.
  • Repent (Admit that your junk is hurting you, your energy, your bank account, and your relationships.)
  • Remove the junk. Yes, perform the physical act of throwing things away.
  • Refrain from bringing new junk into your life.

Get the picture?

Fortunately, there are dozens of titles that can help you on your way to a clutter-free life. These books outline plans of action, suggest tips for helping you decide what to keep and what to get rid of, and advice on how to deal with the emotional side of throwing things away. My favorites are listed below.

Personally, I found getting rid of stuff liberating, although, to be honest, so far my family is not quite on board yet. Stay tuned for the further adventures of a hopeful minimalist.

50 thingsThrow Out Fifty Things : Clear the Clutter, Find Your Life by Gail Blanke

Never Too Busy to Cure Clutter : Simplify Your Life One Minute at a Time  by Erin Rooney Doland

The Ultimate Guide to Clearing Your Clutter : Liberate Your Space, Clear Your Mind, and Bring in Success by Mary Lambert

Jacket.aspxThe Complete Idiot’s Guide to Decluttering by  Regina Leeds

The 100 Thing Challenge : How I Got Rid of Almost Everything, Remade My Life, and Regained My Soul by Dave Bruno

Clutter Control: Putting Your Home on a Diet by Jeff Campbell

Downloadable Audiobooks

Stop Clutter from Stealing Your Life : Discover Why You Clutter and How You Can Stop by Mike Nelson

Ebooks

Winning the Clutter War by Sandra Felton

Conquering Clutter : Getting To The Bottom Of Clutter by Megan Francis

Decluttering Secrets : Tips And Tricks To Becoming Organized by Sally Munroe

Homesteading and Sustainability Practices on the Rise

Prices for many necessities continue to rise, while pay and compensation for most people do not seem to be rising at the same rate. Homesteading, or making the attempt to live more self sufficiently, is becoming a major trend as people make an effort to save more and do more for themselves. Most of these things are things our parents or grandparents did as a matter of course, but more and more people are learning how to revive these methods of taking care of the environment and their families.

Some of the activities that are seeing a major come back for one reason or another that can be considered a step towards homesteading or sustainable living include, knitting or crocheting, sewing, canning, gardening, raising chickens or other livestock, and so much more.  I have done some of the traditional homesteading activities, but I will admit to cheating in some departments. While I might garden and crochet, I have not homesteading1started canning like my family did when I was growing up. Frankly, I still have nightmares of peeling steamed tomatoes from my childhood as we made sauce and stewed tomatoes among other things.  If you are interested in learning more about what exactly homesteading is, or you want to move towards living a more self sufficient lifestyle, here are some resources that can get you started and answer some questions.

Homesteading: a Backyard Guide to Growing Your Own Food, Canning, Keeping Chickens, Generating Your Own Energy, Crafting, Herbal Medicine, and More edited by Abigail R. Gehring

Urban Homesteading: Heirloom Skills for Sustainable Living by Rachel Kaplan with K. Ruby Blume

Made from Scratch: Discovering the Pleasures of a Handmade Life by Jenna Woginrich

The Nourishing Homestead: One Back-to-the Land Family’s Plan for Cultivating Soil, Skills, and Spirit by Ben Hewitt with Penny Hewitt

The Urban Homestead: Your Guide to Self-Sufficient Living in the Heart of the City by Kelly Coyne & Erik Knutzen

You might also be interested in Homeward Bound: Why Women are Embracing the New Domesticity by Emily Matchar, Zero Cost Living: Explore Extreme Frugality by James R. Delcamp, Back to Basics: a Complete Guide to Traditional Skills edited by Abigail R. Gehring, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Self-Sufficient Living by Jerome D. BelangerBarnyard in your Backyard: a Beginner’s Guide to Raising Chickens, Ducks, Geese, Rabbits, Goats, Sheep, and Cattle edited by Gail Damerow, The Backyard Homestead Book of Building Projects by Spike Carlsen, The Renewable Energy Handbook: a Guide to Rural Independence, Off-Grid and Sustainable Living by William H. Kemp, Mini Farming : Self Sufficiency on a 1/4 Acre by Brett L. Markham,  and Sustainably Delicious: Making the World a Better Place, One Recipe at a Time by Michel Nischan with Mary Goodbody.